NOTE: Major spoilers from the film Signs below. You’ve been warned!
The Journal of Gorgem, Invader First Class, as recorded in real-time by telepathic input device:
- Day 1: Have been assigned to scouting mission for upcoming raid on the third planet from star #1463. Mission will be to locate suitable landing sites and mark them. Ship will leave promptly. Am pleased with this honor.
On somewhat more sour note, have been assigned Q’Z’Xzltp as partner. He smells, and has unpronounceable name.
- Day 2: Take-off. Once we have exited homeworld’s orbit, we will enter coldsleep until arrival on 3/#1463.
- Day 1,045: Have arrived on third planet from star #1463. Set scout vessel down in what seems to be some sort of large mossy growth. This fungi will be ideal medium with which to draw landing marker.
Q’Z’Xzltp has taken to eating the yellow pods on mossy outgrowth. Yellow pods do not break down in fecal matter; waste receptacle keeps getting clogged. Must remember to slay Q’Z’Xzltp before leaving 3/#1463.
- Day 2: Decided to start journal over from landing date. Drew landing marker in mossy outgrowth this morning. Am now beginning investigation of surrounding area. There seems to be a 1463an domicile nearby.
Update: Fooled around on top of domicile’s roof. Lumpy pink 1463ans responded by running in circles and yelping. Clearly nothing to be concerned about. Am more worried about the 1643ans with fur and sharp teeth. Will try to win their trust with special gourmet food from homeworld.
- Day 3: Gourmet food made furry 1463ans more aggressive. Oh well, not my problem.
Homeworld contacted us today. Will be arriving within the week. Talked to Brice as well; says Fufu is fine. On side note, am suspicious our conversation was being picked up on 1463an airwaves.
- Day 4: Humiliation! Invasion begins tonight, but I will not be a part. Went out this morning to investigate another nearby domicile. Found place deserted, entered with caution. Searched around, discovered room filled with flattened plant matter bearing images of unclothed female pink 1463ans, as well as some writing. Examined these further – for writing, of course.
Then – oh, shame! Domicile owner returned and, seeing me, grabbed the nearest object – an open container of clear acid! As I stumbled back, the 1463an somehow closed portal to the room. This insidious device has defied all my attempts at escape. At one point, heard the sound of another pink 1463an. Tried to grab its arm beneath the portal and the blasted thing cut my fingers off! Yet, after this success it still ran off screaming. Have vowed vengeance.
- Day 5: Finally discovered secret to 1463an’s portal, have escaped.
Invasion is over. Turns out the 1463ans have acid for blood! Returned to original domicile, found Q’Z’Xzltp had left without me! In rage, am going to enter the 1463ans’ domicile and slay all within.
Update: Am now officially melting. Apparently plant matter is used for a number of objects here, including bludgeons. Between that and acid, attempt at vengeance has been woefully unsuccessful. Will miss Brice…