All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Scary Movies

I’m still working frantically to finish the short story for tomorrow, and as such, I ended up one post short. However, in the interests of fulfilling my promise of a post every single day this month, I’m going to hand the blood-stained rudder over to Kate Racculia of Marquee de Sade. The lovely Kate also drew the initial sketches for both the regular Biggerboat logo and the Halloween variant. Today she’s going to enlighten us as to how scary movies have changed her life. Enjoy!

All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Scary Movies

10. Priests are sexy.

9. If you think a knife-wielding sociopath wearing a bed sheet is your boyfriend, you’re just too dumb to live.

8. Followers of Hare Krishna make naturally intuitive zombies.

7. Twins are creepy.

6. Never have sex. Especially with Satan.

5. It takes little to no coercion for British nurses to engage in very unprofessional behavior.

4. Don’t fuck with telekinetics.

3. Tim Curry wants to eat your soul.

2. Again.

1. And again.

  1. Tim Curry really was intent on making himself as horrifying as possible in the ’80s, wasn’t he?

    Here are a few of my own:

    If you run into a zombie in the 1960s to the 1990s, you’re safe—just power-walk away from it, or jog if necessary. If you encounter a zombie post-2000, you’re fuct.

    Shotguns are available at almost any location and can be picked up and used by the greenest novice with no training whatsoever.

    Massive physical trauma is often no more than an inconvenience as long as you are still important to the plot.

    There is no Dana, only Zuul.

    Never assume the person behind you is the person you think it is until you have quickly turned around to verify it.

  2. Kate left a comment on October 21, 2006 at 12:50 am

    Attack of the guest blogger!

    The movies in reference, revealed in order, in case you were stumped by my sphere of influence:

    10. The Exorcist
    9. Halloween
    8. Dawn of the Dead (original)
    7. The Shining
    6. Rosemary’s Baby
    5. An American Werewolf in London
    4. Carrie
    3. Legend
    2. It
    1. The Worst Witch

  3. Does Legend really count as a horror movie?

    Horrifying, maybe, but that’s hardly the same thing.

  4. Well, she said scary movies, not horror movies, so if Legend is “horrifying,” I think I’d classify it as “scary”…

  5. Mumma left a comment on October 21, 2006 at 11:38 pm

    I actually like scary movies, but not the slasher ” if you go into the dark basement, you are too stupid to survive the movie anyway” type, more the ” It” until it got to the spider thing” type.Loved the list, especially the placement of the last 3!

  6. Noelle left a comment on October 22, 2006 at 3:33 am

    “It” and “The Shining” are at the top of my list of all-time favorite scary books (and movies). I can’t imagine anything scarier than Pennywise the Clown.

  7. Woah, woah, woah!!!

    What is it with all the poseurs trying to glom onto this site and hosey my Halloween-themed prize. Where were y’all last week when we had a spirited debate about Tim Curry, Hot or Not???

    Anyway – if y’all like Scary Movies check out The Ed Zone later this week as I post the latest in my Top 5 series – Top 5 Scary Movies.

    Yes, Armageddon makes the list.

  8. Yes, Armageddon makes the list.

    Simply by being a Michael Bay movie, I assume?

  9. It’s not really on the list. I was just making a funny.

    … The Island is on the list, however.

  10. … The Island is on the list, however.

    By being a rip-off of Parts: The Clonus Horror I assume? 😉

  11. Big Guy left a comment on October 25, 2006 at 4:15 pm

    Did anyone forget about “Killer Klowns from Outer Space?” or “John Carpenter’s The Thing?”

  12. John Carpenter’s The Thing is my absolute favorite ‘scary’ movie. I absolutely love that flick to death. The blood test scene is classic. The music (by Enno Morricone) is unnerving. And despite the fact it was filmed in ’81, it feels timeless. It really holds up.

    Plus, it features a homocidal Wilfred Brimley.

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