Where no one has blogged before

Lately I’ve been watching reruns of Star Trek: The Next Generation on G4. Why a channel ostensibly devoted to videogames is running three hours of Star Trek each weeknight is beyond me, but I’ll take it.

Watching the show has reminded me just how much of a Star Trek fan (aka geek) I was as a kid. I never watched the original show, but my father was a huge fan of it, so when TNG came around, he got me watching it. And thus was born an adolescent love that lasted for many years.

I watched the show pretty religiously until around the sixth season, when my burgeoning social life in elementary and high school drew my interests in other directions. But from 1988 to 1992, I was really into Star Trek. This was expressed primarily in my reading many of the tie-in novels, especially those written by Peter David. (If I ever make it as a writer, I’ll owe a debt to David’s Star Trek novels.) I also played Star Trek during recess with a childhood friend, Chris, who vaguely resembled a blond Spock and was given to using two taped-together batteries as a phaser. I was usually the commanding officer (I continually promoted myself over time until I became the “Starfleet Commander”) whereas Chris was always my second banana. While I was always fighting some enemy ship or setting the self-destruct on our own vessel, Chris was happy to pretend we were on an alien planet examining some exotic life-form. The most amusing thing I recall from those days (if anything can be more amusing than the entire situation) was that my “character” eventually developed the ability to morph into the Alien (from the Alien movies) at will, much like the Incredible Hulk.

Eventually, Chris moved away and I lost interest in Star Trek, though I did catch the last episode of TNG, and I always made sure to see the films when they came out.

As a kid, I enjoyed a lot of the more superficial aspects of ST:TNG: the starships, the weird aliens, the Borg, Data, and whatnot. But watching it now—especially in the current political environment—I’m drawn in by how incredibly optimistic the show is. Everyone on the show is so understanding, so respectful of one another. There’s not much shouting and hardly any conflict among the main characters. Realistic? Hard to say. Four centuries is a long time to try and get it right. But realistic or not, it’s certainly optimistic.

TNG took a lot of flack for its optimism in later years. Ronald D. Moore, the man behind the revamped Battlestar Galactica, cut his teeth on the various Star Trek shows, and judging from BSG, I have to wonder whether he felt smothered by the feel-good nature of TNG. Certainly when he got his hands on Deep Space Nine he set to work darkening the tone and creating conflict among the characters.

I’ve long stated that American pop culture seems to have a nostalgia cycle of about twenty years, and if that’s true, TNG nostalgia should be coming up pretty soon. And watching the reruns on G4, I think it might happen. That optimism is immensely refreshing, and a stark contrast to BSG, which tends to augment our cultural anxiety through its paranoid and depressing storylines. More than any other Star Trek series (including the original), TNG emphasized the potential of the human species to grow and evolve, to move beyond our petty conflicts and respect one another. It was about exploration of both the galaxy and—to use a hoary expression—the human condition.

It’s interesting that TNG aired just before the boom of the mid-to-late nineties. Then, during the boom, the other Star Trek shows—Deep Space Nine in particular—became darker and more action-oriented. Like TNG, they were just slightly ahead of the cultural milieu.

Given the near-self-destruction of the Star Wars franchise, I think Star Trek has the potential for a good nostalgic boost and renewed cultural cache. It’s a great time to rediscover the show; it’s been out of the public eye for some time, and the recent films have been box office failures with storylines that were quite different in style and tone than the television series anyway. Yes, TNG is a bit stiff at times—fans of the original series sometimes referred to it as a “talk show in space”—but the ideas are still interesting and the characters are like old, familiar friends.

My father was a very big fan of the original series, and to this day it’s a little weird for me to watch it because he picked up so many of Shatner’s mannerisms (no, not the odd speech patterns—mostly facial expressions, particularly the wry humorous ones). While I don’t seem to have picked up any of Captain Picard’s mannerisms (unfortunately, mine seem to have come entirely from a youthful fondness for the early work of Jim Carrey), I certainly looked up the man, and would happily share a drink with him any day—no doubt a stiff, British drink (despite his ostensible French heritage), followed by slightly awkward conversation and eventually an unspoken, respectful, but obvious dismissal from the good captain, who has determined I am an odd fellow and would probably have ended up in the blue uniform instead of red.

Writing update–FAILURE!

Okay, so I didn’t finish the story this weekend. In fact, I didn’t even work on it once from the moment I wrote the last post.

Now, you all have a job to do. In order for my shaming scheme to work, you must hit me with as much scorn and derision as you can muster. Only with your well-deserved blows to my self-esteem can I possibly hope to finish writing anything. Oh, I know that many of you are loathe to point out my flaws, but you’ll just have to make yourself do it somehow. You can do it right here in the comments section–public humiliation is probably the most effective–but feel free to email me directly, to call and harangue me if you happen to have my number, or to simply make fun of me in your own blog. I deserve it.

DG and I have been playing a lot of Scrabble lately. I once considered myself something of a decent Scrabble player, but I’ve been very much relieved of that misapprehension over the last few weeks. I think my record is something like 2-12. I had to print out a chart of two-letter words just to compete. DG prefers to play with the rule that you can look up words in the official Scrabble dictionary to see if a word exists before playing it, resulting in an average turn length of approximately fifteen minutes.

I find that an extended vocabulary from a lifetime of reading is fairly useless when the strategy involves looking at the board, looking at my letters, and asking myself, “does the word ‘skoog’ exist?” DG hit me with “skeg” last night, which is allegedly a stabilizing fin located at the rear of the surfboard, according to Wikipedia. Personally, I suspect a conspiracy between the authors of the Scrabble dictionary and the surfing community to create random words for use in Scrabble.

That’s the only sane explanation for why I keep losing.

Writing update

I’ve started work on my first short story in quite a while. I’m mentioning it here because I’ve read that a good way to stop procrastinating is to tell a friend what you’re doing and when you intend to finish it–the motivation being avoidance of shame and humiliation when you fail to meet your goal.

The story is titled “Leoht Unfaeger,” and it features a paranormal investigator named Eron. Eron evolved from the “Jon Shade” concept I was developing last year (though Shade himself has now become a secondary character with a different name). The story draws heavily on my study of Beowulf during college.

In order to motivate myself further, I’m going to state publicly that I intend to complete the first draft of this story before the end of the weekend, and that the first draft should be at least 6,000 words.

I’m also considering starting a blog-exclusive serial story, perhaps featuring Eron & company. I was initially toying with continuing “Zombie!”, but decided that tale might be a bit too violent (though given “Johnny Sniper and the Cave of Fear”, I’m probably already beyond the pale). Of course, feel free to let me know if you have any particular preference as to what sort of stories you’d like to see in this space.

Blurbs: Da Vinci Code, Mirrormask

Finished reading The Da Vinci Code this morning. It’s one of those books you read faster the closer you get to the end, until you’re skimming whole paragraphs just to get the important points of each chapter (which, by the end, were coming on the last line of each chapter like clockwork). The book felt less like a novel than a screenplay, with each chapter ending on a point of high tension before whisking the reader to another scene. It should make a pretty good movie, especially with Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen and Jean Reno involved.

Next up is The Anubis Gates as I continue to work through the canon of Tim Powers.

DG and I watched Mirrormask over the weekend. I attended a panel at the 2003 San Diego Comic Con where screenwriter Neil Gaiman described how the film came about. Supposedly, someone at Columbia Pictures noticed The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth, while box office disappointments, were perennial sellers on DVD. So they asked Jim Henson Productions to create a movie in the same style and spirit as these two. JHP turned to Gaiman to write the script, and Gaiman recommended his longtime collaborator Dave McKean, an illustrator and comic book artist best known for his covers to Gaiman’s comic Sandman, to direct.

Unfortunately, Columbia gave McKean a rather paltry budget of just $4 million. This made it necessary for McKean to make heavy use of cinematic trickery and inexpensive CGI.

The result is profoundly…weird. The story centers around a girl named Helena, whose family runs a travelling circus. In an amusing twist on the old cliche, Helena longs to run away from the circus and join real life. She fights with her overbearing mother and wishes her dead; shortly after, her mother falls ill. As her mother is taken to the operating room, Helena–sick with guilt–falls asleep and finds herself in a bizarre alternate realm.

Mirrormask is dense with symbolism and incredible artistic imagery. It’s also pretty incomprehensible at times. The visuals are often cluttered and mystifying, and there are so many lens flares I had to wonder whether McKean was trying to hide the seams of his shoestring-budget CGI.

There’s no question that McKean has an incredible visual imagination; many of the sights in Mirrormask make the films of Jean-Pierre Jeunet (Delicatessen, The City of Lost Children) seem straightforward and facile. But this is not a film for children; it’s certainly not in the same vein as The Dark Crystal or Labyrinth. Alienated teens and art students might find the film’s dense digital phantasmagoria a feast, but for those looking for an enjoyable story along the lines of the aforementioned films, Mirrormask will disappoint.

Next on my Netflix queue is A History of Violence. Further bulletins as events warrant.

Commentary

I’ve fixed a bug in the comment system where, when you hit “Post,” the main page reloaded in the popup window. Now the window will reload just the comment listing. If you have any problems, let me know. Eventually I’ll suck it up and take the time to upgrade to MovableType 3.2–that, or pay someone more experienced to do it for me.

Of course, it now falls to me to produce content worth commenting on.

Some weeks ago I promised a review of V for Vendetta, but I’ve decided I’d rather not do full-length reviews. I don’t feel particularly qualified to provide the sort of movie reviews I’d like to–that would require a master’s degree in film and at least one viewing of The Godfather. So instead, I’ll just offer a few pithy comments on the various movies, books, and games I encounter.

Today I finally started reading The Da Vinci Code. I reached page seventeen before deciding it was time to fix the commenting system. Perhaps the book’s overexposure has made reading it seem like less of a pleasure and more of a formality to be observed prior to seeing the movie. That said, the book does seem interesting already; I just find my attention tends to wander in the late afternoon and early evening.

More to come soon, including, perhaps, some new fiction.

April’s Fool

So–the three of you who read my blog yesterday may have thought I was the author of yesterday’s post. Why wouldn’t you? That would be a reasonable assumption, since after all, this is my blog, and you have not had any past experience to suggest that anyone other than me would be writing it. But your reasonable assumption, founded on sound rational principles, would be wrong!

The actual author of the previous post is one Ed “Ed-man” Humphries, my esteemed cousin and owner of The Ed Zone. We sure pulled the wool over their eyes, didn’t we, Ed!

In point of fact (an excellent way of writing “in fact,” except that it gets you an additional two words, which matters when one gets paid by the word, which I don’t for this blog, but do in other areas on my professional career), not only did Ed write my blog entry, but I wrote one for Ed, informing his trusting readership that, with my aid, he had sold a screenplay to the Lords of Hollywood.

Now, for the record, my fake post did not fool one single person, nor did it, as of 12:30 the following day, inspire a single comment. Judging from the ratio of comments to Ed’s second April Fool’s post, it’s apparent his close friends and family are more willing to believe he would abandon them for Iowa at the drop of a hat than the notion that he could make a mint selling a screenplay. If I sound bitter, it’s only because I am.

Speaking of commenting, I’ve now altered my comment system so that TypeKey registration is no longer necessary. This means I’ll have to monitor for spam comments, but it also means you’ll be able to leave comments without any annoying registration process, so please, give me feedback, for good or ill. If you have any problems with commenting, please email me and let me know.

cozenage

Recently, I used this forum as my own personal confessional to reveal a deep, dark secret that I’ve been harboring for some time. Now, given that new updates to this site adhere less to a strict daily schedule and arrive more or less on time to herald the new equinox–I thought the rest of this missive would be best served if I offered up a bit of a primer.

So what is the true nature of this ‘tricksy’ skeleton that’s been dogging my every step? Well, if you have to pry it out of me–it’s no less than the grand revelation that Jesus of Nazareth married Mary Magdalene, fathered a child who fled to France and… oh hell, while I’m deconstructing dogma and spoiling flicks I might as well dive deep–Johnny Noxville provides the greatest portrayal of a developmentally challenged individual in The Ringer since Giovanni Ribisi in… well, just about everything, Denzel discovers ‘this ain’t no bank robbery’ while investigating Clive Owen’s pursuit of Christopher Plummer’s Nazi gold in Inside Man, and that dude in She’s The Man is really a chick.

So at this point, you’re all wondering, what chimp-ruled faux-Earth have we set foot on anyway?

Damn you! Damn you all to hell!!!

I apologize for the tangent–got slightly derailed there. So where was I? Oh yes, I was bringing you up to speed on my big revelation. Well–for those that follow this cyber confessional–I recently revealed my recurring affliction with seasonal affective disorder. Unfortunately, it’s the price I pay for remaining rooted in the New England area. I’ve written in the past of my love for a region with four discernable seasons–and in particular, I heart Autumn.

Unfortunately, the cold outlasts the warmth. Still I take heart in the notion that mankind is steadily chipping away at that pesky ozone layer. News of an extended El Nino just brings a smile to my lips. Hey–I spent the better part of the nineties bringing order to my slacker do by shellacking it four times daily with a healthy sheen of Aqua-Net. To further my equal parts selfish and wickedly nefarious desire for perpetual daylight, I ripped a page from Biggie Smalls book–one spray for me and one spray for my homies–pointing the can skyward and launching an arch of ass-kicking aerosol straight towards the heavens. I’d rip that ozone a new one. ‘Course, I’m not straight outta’ Compton, I’m straight outta’ Cranberry Country.

But, the pleasant surprise is Springtime, and warm weather, finally appears to be on fast approach after a slightly delayed arrival. That punkass Punxsutawney is the biggest sham ever perpetrated on mankind… What’s that? Oh yeah, that Da Vinci thing again! O.K. So Phil and Pontius are neck and neck.

With the arrival of spring, my creative juices have recharged–leading me to revisit my rant against the forces that conspire against me to embrace Battlestar Galactica like it was the next Red Dwarf.

I just don’t get this Geek Mythology.

The Geeks spend every waking moment of their high school existence decimating the concept of cliques–deriding their peers for banding together around shared interests–and keeping them on the outside looking in. The Beautiful People are labeled shallow, self-centered and narcissists. I guess when you’re knee deep in the muck, it’s difficult to discern the real lay of the land.

Then college arrives and everyone reboots–you move to a different city, you mingle with different people, you loosen your baggage and come into your own. Rolls reverse. Jocks date geeks. Nerds mack on preps. Dogs marry cats. Up is down. Black is white. Paula Abdul is stable.

Then you go to work and you find yourself in the IT department and a quick scan across the shanty town of cubicles known as Corporate America provides you with an inventory of every superhero that has ever graduated the JLA. That’s short-hand for Justice League of America but if you avoid the acronym, the Geek Chorus propels you to the top of their ‘watch list’. Years ago, it was rumored that the NSA used to monitor library databases in a bid to red flag all those checking out The Catcher in the Rye in order to nab the next great anarchist. I did them a solid and sent them a detailed inventory of every action figure and it’s owner in my office. You have Orco getting it on with Steve Nelson on your desk–you’re now officially on their ‘watch list’.

And the geeks will ostracize anyone that doesn’t share in their nerdgasm. In the late 90’s, it was the Matrix. Then it was the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Then we were all forced to welcome back Potter and the rest of our Hogwarts heroes. Now, we’ve gone all retro and if you aren’t down with Battlestar Galactica or Dr. Who, you’re frakked. Where’s the love for Surface?

I remember high school well enough. Most people are lying if they say they had a swell time–hormones prohibit that–but when looking back at the cliques that assembled there and the segregation that rocks most suburban office parks–it becomes far too apparent how quickly the Geeks have become Those They Chose Not To Speak Of. Being a fanatic is great–having a passion for a pastime is wonderfully therapeutic–sharing our interests with others helps to pass the time and prevent monotonous clockwatching–but this strong arm approach, the threat that ‘Order 66’ will be declared on your ass if you skip one episode of Trading Maces–it’s a bit too much.

This proud fanboy offers up the following challenge to my brethren. Can’t we all just get along? Let’s sample the buffet and enjoy a wide variety of interests (well, except Nightwatch. Why is it that a cribbed cocktail of Star Wars, The Matrix and X-Men is declared the greatest science fiction work of all time simply because a Russki directed it?)

Bottom line. Enough with the big fat geek meddling. I liked you guys a lot better when you stayed in on Friday nights downing Mountain Dew and noshing on Bugles while beating your +5 Mystical Bishop (an act lovingly referred to as Draggin’ the Dungeon.)

Well, I’ve said enough. I gotta’ get working on my next post. See ya ’round Arbor Day.

Equinox and other funny words.

The spring equinox has come and gone, and my usual concomitant madness seems to be dying down as well. I tend to get a little nutty in March. I used to think it was seasonal affective disorder, which I suppose it kind of is, but not in the clinical sense; it’s more that, come March, I (like many New Englanders) begin to believe that there will never be light or warmth in this world again. The nonexistent May and mild summer last year didn’t help either–it feels like a long time since I enjoyed a warm, sunny day.

Of course, my company, being very computer-oriented, keeps all but the most necessary lights off, meaning I spend my days in what is essentially a well-networked tomb. As someone who needs a certain amount of sunlight each day, my recent bout with a terrible cold and the mild insanity following were perhaps inevitable.

But I’m feeling much better now. Honest.

ToyFare magazine has a section called “The Monthly Rag,” which is basically a collection of fake news article a la The Onion, with a focus on toys. They accepted two of my article pitches, so look for those in an upcoming issue. In the meantime I continue to write the “What’s In Store” section in the price guide every month.

I saw V for Vendetta over the weekend. I’ll review it in a separate entry.

Review: Hellboy Makoma #2

I’ve reactivated the comments feature on the blog. It requires you to create a free account with TypeKey (because I hate clearing out spam comments), but the process takes just a few minutes and the account can be used on any website that uses Blogger, Typepad or a few other formats. Also, now that I know some people get my blog through an RSS feed, I’m going to start using real titles rather than one-word appellations.

I picked up the second and final issue of Hellboy: Makoma, or, A Tale Told by a Mummy in the New York City Explorers’ Club on August 16, 1993, written by Hellboy creator Mike Mignola and drawn by comics legend Rich (Heavy Metal) Corben. Hellboy stories tend to fall into one of three categories: adventure stories, where Hellboy and his pals get involved in some villain’s scheme or go traipsing across the world to stop some threat (Seed of Destruction, Wake the Devil, Conqueror Worm); folklore adaptations, where Hellboy stands in for the protagonist in an old folktale (“The Corpse,” “Heads”); and then there are the stories that investigate Hellboy’s origins and his destiny.

Lately, almost all of the Hellboy stories have been of the latter variety–to mixed reception by fans. Personally I’m more enamored of the first sort of story, but that has become the province of Hellboy’s spin-off comic, BPRD. However, we still occasionally get a one-off story of the second variety, folktale adaptations, and this is the story of Makoma. Mignola himself draws some bumper pages to place the folktale in context of Hellboy’s history, but Corben takes over when we get into the meat of the tale–a story of an African folk hero who wanders about Africa fighting giants and seeking his doom.

I didn’t find the story as engaging as last year’s The Island, which, as some may remember, I wasn’t that taken with either. Recently I’m enjoying the Hellboy tie-in novels, which are set before Hellboy quit the BPRD, more than the Hellboy and BPRD comics of late. I like Hellboy and the BPRD when they’re investigating odd phenomena, from Nazi mad scientist installations to fairy tale monsters in caves, in their business-like, vaguely bureaucratic manner. I like the incongruity of Hellboy in his big trenchcoat, standing in a room with a bunch of suit-clad agents; I like the contrasting of this clearly Judeo-Christian demon fighting tentacled beasts clearly inspired by the materialistic (though still fantastic) vision of Lovecraft. Yeah, it’s inconsistent, yes, it’s a potpourri of science fiction, superhero comics, folktales, UFO conspiracy theories, and everying else you can imagine–and that’s what I enjoyed. I liked that you could get a Hellboy story where he fights Nazi mad scientists, followed by a folktale adaptation such as “The Corpse,” and then a story with alien creatures such as Conqueror Worm. Recently Mignola has been trying to tie all of this together in The Island and BPRD, but I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do.

In any event, I tend to enjoy the X-Files-ish investigations more than the folklore-oriented stories and so I haven’t read a Hellboy story that really got me jazzed since Conqueror Worm (including the one-shots in the Dark Horse Book of the… series). It’s just my personal taste, and I can understand the argument of many fans that Hellboy is a better and more artistic comic now than it was ten years ago. It probably is, but, as I have often found with such things, it’s not quite as fun.

In the letters section of Makoma #2, editor Scott Allie mentions that the next BPRD miniseries will focus on (spoiler alert for those who haven’t read the most recent miniseries, The Black Flame–highlight to read) the efforts of the team to find a way to resurrect Roger the homunculus, who died in the last miniseries. Allie ends the “pitch” with “Don’t get your hopes up.” Well! I’m certainly looking forward to reading a six-issue miniseries that focuses on the efforts of the BPRD to attempt something so momentous, only to fail. I’m reminded of Leonard Nimoy’s words when asked whether Spock would return in Star Trek III: “Well, look, we’re calling the picture Star Trek III: The Search For Spock. If we had Captain Kirk turn to the camera at the end of the picture and say, ‘Sorry, we didn’t find him,’ people would throw rocks at the screen.”

I suspect–or at least hope–that the series will offer something more satisfying than that, but it was a rather cheap shot by Allie.

apothegm

Last night I attempted to upgrade the site to the latest version of MovableType, but discovered it was far more complicated than I cared to deal with. I could have managed to get the new system installed, import all the old entries and fix the website templates, given enough time, but there wasn’t a real need and I didn’t feel like spending days and days figuring it out. Thankfully I’d backed up the site and was able to put everything back. One change I do hope to make in the near future, however, is to add comments.

In other news, my girlfriend, who goes by DottyGale (DG) online, has start a new blog. She hopes to update at least as frequently as I update this thing, so the time to beat is twice a month. Update: I’ve also added the blog of my cousin Ed Humphries, the funniest man ever to take a bath in his underwear.

My immersion into the Whedonverse continued unabated this weekend. DG and I watched Serenity on Saturday (finally, after owning it for two months). (Spoilers ahead.) I enjoyed it; DG thought it was depressing. Which it was, I suppose, but I really liked it. Interesting characters, great action, a story with a message, and special effects that served the story rather than the marketing budget–maybe I’ve just seen so many bad science fiction movies that it was immensely refreshing to see a good one. I’ll admit the movie probably wasn’t as good as the series (shades of X-Files), but it was still better than 90% of what Hollywood puts out in terms of science fiction every year.

On Sunday we started Buffy season six. For those keeping track, I still need to see Buffy seasons 6-7 and Angel 3-5. We’re also trying to get through the first season of the new Battlestar Galactica, but despite the fact that it’s the only water cooler show at my geek-oriented office, I just can’t seem to get into it. At the very least, I can’t motivate myself to watch it when I could be watching a Buffy or Angel episode. Perhaps after we’ve finished those.

I finished reading Philip Pullman’s “His Dark Materials” trilogy. I enjoyed it immensely and highly recommend it to just about anyone. It’s written for a late adolescent or teenage audience, but the subject matter is often very adult. It’s one of those truly great coming-of-age books–and an excellent fantast adventure as well. It was also nice to read the prose of a skilled writer; I’ve been reading so many comics and not-so-great novels lately, I’d forgotten what truly great writing was like.

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